The Bonds That Break Us
by XxDeafening.SilencexX
Summary: [How do we stay together?] The demon asked. [Come up to Heaven.] The angel replied. [But how?] [I...I don't know. Let's find out together.] NejiGaara


Warning: Yaoi and Angst.

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**Chapter 1 - The Bonds Between Us**

Cut. Cut. Cut.

The scissors are stained with blood, just like the last pair, and the one before that. Neji, through his tears and through the blinding pain, stares at his reflection in the mirror and hopes this pair will stay sharp just a little longer, because he just has a little more to cut. He has exhausted his supply of sharp things, from knives to razors to almost all his scissors (he knows this is his last pair) and he hopes he won't have to resort to his own nails, because that would hurt even more.

He cuts away, refusing to stare down at the bathroom floor, which is littered with feathers and flesh and blood. If Gaara walked in, he would know exactly what Neji was doing, but Neji didn't care, as long as he got to finish…

Cut. Cut. Cut.

There is a small knock on the door, and Neji only spares it a glance before gripping the scissors tighter and starting to cut again, ignoring the physical pain, just to get caught up in the mental pain. What he's doing to himself…it's wrong. It shouldn't be done, because he's estranging himself from the world he grew up in, the one he's supposed to be in even now. Was Gaara worth it? Worth giving up his family, his freedom?

Yes. He was. Gaara was worth everything.

Neji looks up nervously as the knocking on the door becomes a pounding, knowing Gaara will break through the door in a few seconds. He wonders what Gaara will say, what he'll think, if he'll hate Neji for what he is or continue to love him. Neji couldn't bear the thought of losing him.

Just then, the pair of scissors Neji is wielding gets stuck in his flesh. He can't push it to cut any further, nor can he pull it out. Not knowing what to do and panicking, Neji turns around and inspected his bloodied back. _What could he do?_

Finally, with a burst of strength, Neji just rips it out and throws it to the floor, a scream leaving him as his flesh comes with it. The scream seems to give Gaara a burst of strength too, as he breaks open the door and sees the bloody feathers and flesh on the bathroom floor, sees the blunted knives and scissors and razors on the counter, sees a tearstained Neji pleading with his white eyes to be _merciful_, because this experience has been painful and he doesn't want to be hurt anymore.

And Gaara is stunned. Because he sees all this, and all this adds up to something he does not want to contemplate. "Neji…" He stretches out his hands in disbelief, encompassing the too-gruesome-to-think-about scene. "Neji…you're an angel?"

And Neji bursts out crying again, because he doesn't want to be an angel, not when Gaara's a demon, and they're in love, and they're living in Hell. Because, against all reason, he wants to stay here, with Gaara, because when he's with the redhead it's better than Heaven.

"Neji…your beautiful wings…" Neji looks up into the mirror and into Gaara's reflected eyes, seeing the sadness and feeling gentle fingers touching his…his stumps. Because he's torn off his wings in anger, in shame, in desperation, because _why did they have to come out now _and _why did they have to define who he was_?

And now there is despair in Gaara's eyes too. "Neji…you don't belong here…don't belong with me. You should be in Heaven, happy…with an angel of your own, to love you, and…not me." Gaara presses himself against Neji, his actions belying his words, because he really doesn't want to let Neji go, even though Neji is an angel, even though right now he's bloody and the blood is also sticking to Gaara. The redhead laughs bitterly. "I always said you were too good for me. You see? I was right."

Only one thing puzzles Gaara. One idea eludes him, because he cannot see the reasoning behind it. "But Neji…why did you cut off your wings? You…you should be proud of them. You should love them. Why?"

Neji turns to Gaara and embraces him, his tears dripping onto Gaara's hair. "Because I don't want to be an angel. I want to be with you. In Hell. In Heaven. Wherever, as long as I get to stay with you." As Gaara pulls away Neji cries out in anguish, because Gaara's going to push him away, isn't he? Because Gaara will leave him… "No! Don't leave me! I don't want my wings! I don't care! I've stayed with you Gaara, all this time…I knew you were a demon, and I knew I shouldn't have possibly wanted to be with you, but I did, and I still do. Don't make me go back there. Don't make me live without you…"

Gaara lets Neji cling onto him and asks, "Will your wings grow back?"

Neji nods slowly, wondering what this question is leading to.

"And you'll have to go through this pain each time?"

Neji nods again, adding, "But it'll be worth it, Gaara."

"It won't. After a few decades, our passion will fade, and the pain will get to you." Neji's mouth opens to protest but Gaara stops him with a slender finger held up against those delicious lips. "It's the truth; don't try to lie to yourself. After a few decades, sure, we still might be together. Sure, we still might love each other. But you're an angel…" Gaara pauses, smiles as he looks up into Neji's eyes and strokes his hair. "A beautiful angel, Neji, and I'm a cursed demon. Sure, generations back my ancestors would have been angels, but somewhere along there they fell, never to redeem themselves. There's just too much pulling us apart, Neji, more than what's keeping us together."

Gaara looks down now, into the space between them, at the bloody bathroom floor, and suddenly wishes he could lie. Lie, and tell Neji: 'We'll always be happy if we stay together, no matter who we are.' and Gaara wishes the world worked like that, but it doesn't. And so he goes on telling the truth in a shaky voice, his head down in shame, because he isn't strong enough to make his lie a truth.

"One day Neji…one day you'll wake up beside me, and you won't be satisfied. I'm not saying your love will diminish, and I'm not saying mine will either, but one inevitable day, you'll look at me and you'll see me for what I am, a demon in place of an angel. And then you'll fly away to Heaven where I won't be able to follow, and then maybe you'll find another love, and maybe you'll come back, but it will _hurt_ me because you're too good for me and I won't want anyone else. Do you get it? You're all I aspire to be, and what I never can have. That is my bond to you, but there is nothing keeping you with me except your love, your passion, and…that can't last forever-"

But Gaara is surprised now, as Neji embraces him again and soothes him with gentle touches, and Gaara cries now, because he can't resist Neji, no matter how hard he tries. Because he can't cut the bonds between them, and he can't ignore them, and they'll hurt, once Neji disappears, as Gaara knows he will. Neji will not want to tear off his wings again and again. Neji will want to fly away.

"Gaara, how long have you lived?"

"More than five hundred years."

"I have lived for more than a thousand years, and never in those years have I found someone I wanted to be with as much as you, Gaara. You do not know the meaning of forever yet. We are not like humans." Neji laughs, and tries to wipe away Gaara's tears. "They change, but we don't, not for a long long time. It is enough for us, Gaara. We are angel and demon, opposites to be sure, but time will stop for our love. It has to." He nuzzled Gaara's face, worshiping the pale skin, the scarlet 'ai', the delicate features. Too beautiful to be labeled devilish, too tragic to be labeled angelic, just what was Gaara?

"You will be the death of me, Gaara…" Neji whispers as he leans in and claims those lips as his own. "A beautiful, beautiful death, because I'd fall for you…"

Neji hears a sharp intake of breath from Gaara, and adds, "Why should it be such a surprise?"

"Because…" Gaara is breathless from surprise and ecstasy, his words muddled. "Because this isn't a fairy tale. It won't have a happy ending, no matter what choices we make…but just knowing that you'd fall from grace…for me…makes me happy." He wonders if he's making any sense, but then knows that Neji would understand him perfectly no matter what words he used.

"But you don't want me to fall?" Neji asks while already knowing the answer.

"No, I don't. You've already made me so happy, and I don't want you to give anymore. I would just…I want to know if there is any way to become an angel. So I can live with you in Heaven…"

"I thought you just said we wouldn't have a happy ending."

Gaara smiles in thought. "We won't have a happy ending, because being forgiven and ascending to Heaven would be impossible for me, but still…" He pauses, hope on the tip of his tongue. Even if it was impossible, for Neji he would try.

"Let's enjoy one more night without these complications, Gaara." Neji interrupts, knowing what he was about to say. "Tomorrow morning we'll clean this up, and if you want, I'll reveal myself to my brethren, and we'll see if there is a way for you to come up to Heaven again. And if not…I _will_ fall, no matter what you wish for."

They stare at each other for a while, before Gaara plants a soft kiss on Neji's cheek and backs down. "Fine, but right now you are going to take a shower and wash off the blood, while I get some salve." The turbulent moment has passed, life is normal once more (or as normal as it ever was), and Gaara is dealing with his realization that Neji was angelic by doing what he does best: taking care of his hurt lover, because the constant that is always there is his love for Neji.

"Fine. But once you get back, will you help me wash myself?"

Gaara nods before turning and walking out, and Neji stares after him. Then the brunette slowly starts to strip off his clothing, listlessly dropping them on the floor. He turns on the water, testing it for warmth before stepping into the shower stall. He winces as the water hits his torn off wings, and grits his teeth as he wonders how ugly he must be right now. Except Gaara doesn't think he's ugly, and Neji smiles for a tiny moment.

Because if Gaara was happy with him, Neji could and would follow his angel to the deepest darkest Hell.

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Inspired by: The beginning scene of one of the X-Men movies, with that boy mutant tearing off his wings. Yes, I know it's quite bloody, but I've been itching to write some good angst lately.

So, love it? Hate it? Want me to write some more? It's all up to you.


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